it’s valentine’s day and you’re alone

and chocolate, and flowers, and cakes, and letters full of kindness and praises, and a dress and a pair of shoes, and dinner date, and hugs and kisses, and fingers intertwined in the middle of a cold night, and a conversation full of laughter, and a kiss on the forehead, and everything pink stuffs from valentine’s sale events.

and you might not get any of those on this valentine's day. not even a hug, not even an "i love you", not even a hand to hold.

and now you feel empty as if sitting on the corner of the room while the party is going on and everyone is dancing and jumping and singing and hugging and kissing and loving each others,
and you just start wondering, "why can’t i feel the joy of the party like the others?" and questioning your self.

and even when the noise is loud, all you hear is silence but do not mistaken that with the regular silence.
the silence is even louder than the noise, and it fills you with questions and feelings of insecurity, worthless, self-doubt, loneliness, and unlovable.

and it is dark, and empty, and suffocating.

love.
what is love? you don't even know that.
what does it feel to hold a hand that radiates warmth to your heart? to hear reassuring and comfort words all day and night? to be kissed repeatedly on the forehead down to your cheeks and end to your lips? to be someone that they call right after the good and bad news? to be someone's number one? to be remembered? to be...loved?

you might not receive any of those.
you might not have any of those

but the kindness from your heart, the smile after you sip the first coffee of the day, the crinkle on your forehead when you concentrate, the way your eyes form their own smile as you laugh, the way you get excited from buying a new book, to touch a book, the way you hug your books as if you can touch the characters inside, the way you mess up your cooking but you're still proud with it anyway because at least you try, the way you do your little shoulder dance as the food you ordered arrives, the way you cares, the way you feed the stray cats, the way you live a life as your perfectly perfect self.

you're not unlovable just because you're alone.
and love comes in many form.
and i know this is a hard thing to believe and do,
but my love,
try to accept a very big love from yourself too. it's hidden under the darkness but they're there, peeking from a little hole.

and trust me when i tell you that there are still so many things that i can write about how loveable you are. it will takes days, months, years, decades or even centuries.

being alone does not make you less lovable.
you are perfectly perfect even by yourself.

and by the way, it’s never wrong to buy present for yourself.

go buy that cake, that dress, that shoes that have been in your shopping cart for months, that vanilla ice cream and french fries from mcdonald, that brownies, that book in your wish list, that perfume with 59% discount, that bag, that red lipstick you’ve wanted but always scared of.

you deserve to receive good things from you.